No More Scary Stories

No More Scary Stories

 

Why is it that so many women feel compelled to tell pregnant women scary birth stories?  They actually seem to relish passing on the gory details with an expression of cruel delight as they watch the recipient wince and recoil in fear. Like an old soldier describing his battle wounds the tale is told as though the trauma were a medal of honour to be displayed and regaled.

 

At no other time in my life have I faced such a scary physical challenge and received so little kindness or support on the subject from acquaintances and even strangers.  Lets compare birth for a moment to any other kind of surgery… would you expect people to accost you pre-surgery telling you how they nearly died or that the pain was so excruciating and the recovery so fraught that you won’t even believe how bad the next few weeks will be?  No, you wouldn’t be told these stories, you would more likely have your ears filled with kindness and your nerves soothed with tales of ease.

 

So I would like to suggest that we women call a halt to this strange machismo tradition of scary story telling.  If you find yourself  a witness or the recipient of these tales, perhaps you can help change the tide.  Try a quiet or forcefull use of the words; ‘please stop’  or; ‘I am frightened already, please stop’.  Then redirect the conversation with the request;  tell me something beautiful… for I know that motherhood is full of beauty, more beauty than pain.  And maybe the lesson will be learned, and it will be one less woman telling scary stories.

 

And perhaps we can dwell on the beautiful so that the confidence of our fellow mama’s is built and they launch themselves into new mama-dom with a few extra precious drops of confidence.

 

It is a tremendous experience giving birth to a new life.  All the more enormous because you also give birth to a mama at the same time.  So does it hurt? Yes of course it does, as you would expect… because it is a huge physical, emotional and spiritual change in the course of your life.   But is it pain you think of when you look at your baby?

 

Nope.  You just think about what a miracle new life is.

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This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Our reason for mama mio musings is to inform, intrigue and amuse. If by chance we offend we apologise, but please know our intentions are good. As with all good conversations it is an exchange. We look forward to chatting with you. Tanya x

  2. Samantha Fenn says:

    I Loved giving birth… twice. I LOVE labour. Some people say I’m ‘lucky’. I say I’m well informed on how my body works and the choices I can make. Heres my birth story, Share if you Like =)

    I’d just picked Mason up from his grandmas when I felt a tightening. Id been having quite strong Braxton hicks for a couple of weeks now so thought nothing of it but on the drive home I had 3 more, all 4 minutes parts. I got home thinking this could be the start of things so made Mason his tea, washed the floor and cleaned the windows! I knew I wouldn’t have much time soon to do any of those kind of jobs so made the most of these mini contractions. At around half 6 I began to ‘Rotate to Dilate’ with my basic breath and at 7pm Paul came in from work, he did the usual bedtime routine for Mason and made tea for around 8pm…Meat and potato pie, Yum! Contractions were becoming more intense now, so I switched to escalator breath, ensuring to get as much pie in as possible between each contraction! (Grandmas pie is not to be wasted under any circumstances!)

    Id shown Paul some of the massage techniques from couples workshops the week before so we tried a few out when I was having contractions, I found the Sacro release massage most beneficial so we stuck with that. I desperately wanted to get onto all fours but it was too uncomfortable so I stayed sitting upright, doing my rotations with each sensation and continuing with the escalator breath. At around 10pm I decided it was time to call the birth center, contractions were now 2-3 minutes apart and lasting just over a minute, we called them and they said come on in. Paul got the car packed up, we whisked Mason off to a friends house for the night and headed to the hospital. Paul decided to go the long way round…. The way where every single street as a dozen speed bumps on… luckily the escalator breath was enough for me to take the focus off of how daft he was being and keep the adrenalin at bay.

    We got to the hospital at around 11pm where I was taken into the little side room to be checked over. I had an internal check and was found to be 7cm dilated… I was thrilled! The midwife read my birth plan and said she’d be back once she’d prepped the room and pool (which is what I had requested). At 11:15pm I went into the lovely active birth room. As contractions were still 2-3 minutes apart I quickly got out my hair brush and did my hair between them… the midwife looked at me oddly and laughed.

    There was no bed in the room to be tempted to lay on (although I personally found laying intensified the contractions anyway so wouldn’t have chosen that position to labour in), there was a very comfortable looking bean bag, a floor mats and mood lighting… none of which I used! I just wanted to jump in the pool, make use of the CD player which had my Silver lake track playing and the lights were dimmed… to be honest the room was more like a spa suite in my eyes than a birthing room. So serene and following my birth plan exactly. So at around 11:25pm I jumped into the pool and started to use a bit of gas and air… again as the contractions were still a couple of minutes apart I was able to chat between them to Paul (who was still continuing the massage technique whilst I was in the pool… as well as being my water provider) and the midwife about various subjects… I was just so chilled!

    At 11:45pm I looked at the clock and jokingly said to Paul ‘if this baby makes an appearance in the next 15 minutes it won’t have to share a birthday with Robbie’ (Pauls nephew who had asked if I could hang on until Friday so baby WOULD share his birthday!) Somewhere between 11:50 and 11:55 my body took over, Paul needed to stop the massage and I needed to change positions… baby was on his way! The midwife saw my change in stance and asked if I could feel pressure, I simply nodded , closed my eyes and the midwife buzzed for someone to come help before starting to get her things together. The next 4 contractions came in quick succession after each other. In the first contraction my waters broke…2nd contraction and the baby crowned, at which point the midwife said ‘Oh I can see him! Best get my gloves’… 3rd contraction his head was born and the midwife was trying to be quick about getting things ready but gave up after ripping a pair of gloves so just sat and
    watched and then was the 4th When out came the body! With Mason I never felt the pressure or felt my body do its job… I’ll hold my hands up to purple pushing as the midwives told me I was ready when I obviously wasn’t but this time it was SO different. I have never felt so powerful in my life! Knowing what was happening, that my body was doing exactly as it should was the best feeling in the world! I simply breathed through each contraction and let my body get on with it (still using the escalator breath as I didn’t feel the need to switch to the OUT breath) I remember after the 3rd contraction pointing to the clock… it wasn’t quite midnight and he still had a chance to have his own birthday!… Korey Jay Mann was born at 23:59 weighing 7lb6oz! My brain was even more in tune with my body than I realised ;)

    Korey was popped onto my chest and cried immediately. The water was let out of the pool, towels were placed around us and we sat and had cuddles whilst we waited for the placenta to be delivered and Paul cut the cord. I came away with no tears or grazes which again I was absoloutly thrilled about.

    The midwife said to me after everything had slowed down ‘That’s one of the nicest births I’ve ever seen… you can come here more often’. That again just put the biggest smile on my face… it must have been impressive if the midwife thought so too.

    I couldn’t believe it had all happened so quick… I was in total awe at my body and what I had just achieved. I still am! It was a totally amazing experience… one which I hope I’ll experience again one day (should Paul agree!)

  3. this is such an amazing and inspiring share. Thank you! It almost makes me want to have another…Almost!
    Tanya x

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