My motherhood by Hayley Bystram

One of the scariest parts about becoming a mother for the first time was the fact that there seemed to be so much to learn! I would read the books talking about sterilising and weaning and wouldn’t have a clue what the words even meant – even holding a baby seemed daunting! Most of my friends were also first-time mothers, yet they seemed so confident and had such a natural ability with their children.


What surprised me the most was that it does come naturally, as everyone says, but the best thing to do is not to compare yourself to other people, but to find what works best for you and your child. It amazes me how quickly you learn what noises your own child makes indicating what you need to do and how you need to react, whether they need changing, feeding, winding, and those are definitely not things you can learn from a book or from watching how other people behave with their own children.


My son is now seven months old and I sometimes catch myself thinking ‘I’d have coped so much better if I knew in those first few weeks what I know now’ but I do believe that learning the skills to be a mother is very much a process, that can’t be taught or rushed and that, as much as you are looking after and responsible for your child, they are also teaching you what works and what doesn’t work along the way. When it comes to motherhood, there is definitely no right or wrong, it is all about what suits you and your child as an individual and, without even realising it, you know exactly what you’re doing!


Hayley is mama to Samuel, seven months, and director of elite dating agency The Bowes-Lyon Partnership.

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