It’s Only Temporary
22 05 2013 • Tanya Kazeminy Mackay
It Is Only Temporary
I remember when my first baby was born and as much as I loved him explosively, endlessly, ferociously – I found the experience of being a new mother completely overwhelming, and I really did not feel very good about myself.
I was astounded by how I had morphed overnight into someone else. Someone who was as tense as wire, as brittle as ice, with anger a constant threat, bubbling right beneath the tears that were ever present. It felt like my new emotions formed a noose around my neck that minimised the air flow to my lungs and left me gasping for breath.
The only person I was constant with was my son, who received only my best and most conscious behaviour. With anyone else I felt like a stranger even to myself. A stranger, that, in truth, I really didn’t like very much.
Looking back on it – the real panic rose out of a belief that this is who I had become. Forever. Which is a natural conclusion to draw, but thankfully it proved incorrect. What I was actually experiencing was temporary. A wicked cocktail of high hormones and exhaustion that produced a strong and steady riptide of emotions. Constantly foiling my attempts to find normalcy and balance amid the swirl of this emotional storm.
And I really wish someone had told me that it was just a temporary state…because if you know something is just temporary you kind of know you can get through it. It is just a matter or time.
So I have taken it upon myself to tell the world of new mama’s- It. Is. Only. Temporary.
Everybody experiences motherhood differently, so there is a good chance you will coast through the first year and not ride this particular rollercoaster. But if you do, please remember it is only temporary. It is tough and please get all the help and support you need to maximise your happiness. But it will pass.
I can even give you a timeline as to how long it takes. When your beautiful baby has his first birthday you will be well on your way back to balance. Your hormone levels will have dropped back to mostly manageable and your body will feel more like yours, as will your mind. It is then a progressively easier ride right through to the second birthday, at which time you will be totally back.
This is a conversation I have had with hundreds of women, and the timing rings true with most. The one year mark is a critical milestone in regaining your sense of self and at two years you are pretty much clear of the hormone zone. At which point many women ask me – ‘so then you are back to who you were?’. Nope, life is not about going backwards, it is about going forwards.
So no, I will never be who I was, and that is wonderful. Because I will have all of what I used to have, with so, so, so much more. Now, on top of everything that I was, I am now a mother and that is the most important and most magical element of me.
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