How to keep the love
23 10 2013 • Tanya Kazeminy Mackay
Your wonderful world of two has suddenly been usurped by a third. And lets face it, this little interloper is by far the favourite, cuter, funnier, more loveable than either of you ever have been. But the new love of your lives is uber demanding of your time, energy and mental focus.
So it is no wonder that the love affair that created this little wonder may just be faltering somewhat. So lets have a little think about how to get it back on track.
This list is only good if you both follow it- if it is only one of you trying to make this all happen it will be depressing. So share the list and both of your take it on.
1. Date Night…. Ok, this is fun. We all love a date night, married or not, kids or not – Date Nights rock. Aim for once a fortnight (once a week is even better once a moth is just fine too). And on that night Raise your Game. Do not talk about poop, puke or being tired – these are subjects for every other day of the week. On Date Night make a huge attempt to be clean, well dressed and entertaining. It doesn’t really matter where you go – somewhere fancy or somewhere simple. In the beginning a movie might be best, but the goal is to get your two talking about things other than the baby. Inevitably the subject will turn to your new love. But if 4 out of 5 times you stop yourself, it will be about the right proportion of baby talk. This is about the two of you, and fortifying the bond that brought you together, and helping to find the path forward where your baby can blossom in the warmth of your love for each other as well as your love for baby.
2. Walk and Talk… pretty much as it sounds. Pop baby in the stroller and stroll, as often as you can – minimum 3 times a week is my prescription. Have you ever noticed how much better men are at communicating shoulder to shoulder rather than face to face? This is why a walk and talk is so perfect. Whether a gentle amble or a faster pace – it is a great time for the two of you to communicate.
3. 30 minutes of focus. Try this – for 30 minutes (it might be in two 15 minute slots) when baby is content just put down the phones, pads, devices and listen to each other with both your ears and as many brain cells as you happen to possess. In other words, give each other your fullest attention. The kind of attention you devote to baby, spread it out a little and give some to your partner. Try to do this daily – but if things are totally crazy and new definitely every other day.
4. Be Forgiving. Remember you are both completely tired and totally frazzled. If either of you get it wrong, just try to go easy on each other. You are both going to be more temperful and emotional than usual so really try to ask yourself would I have been this mad about this before or am I overreacting a bit? You will know the true answer and if you can curb your reactions a bit it may just help ease the tension and reactivate the love.
Enjoyed this? Share this with other mamas...
Want more wit and wisdom from us mamas?